MEL GIBSON’S SENSITIVITY TRAINING

THERAPIST:  Mr. Gibson, I’m going to name groups of people and you’ll tell me the first thing that comes into your head.  What do you think of Canadians?

MEL:  Do you know who’s Canadian?  Fucking Michael J. Fox.  And you don’t think Michael J. Fox ever called someone a bitch-cunt-whore-gold digger?  He calls his mother that.  You just can’t understand him with all the shaking.  Which I’d bet you – if I had any money – he’s faking.  You know why?  Because he’s from Canada.  Which is like the U.S. without balls. 

THERAPIST:  Girl Scouts.

MEL:  You mean the fucking cookie cunts?  They’re all “Ooh, Mr. Gibson, will you buy some Thin Mints?”  Like I’m fucking made of money!  And you know who can blow me?  Their older fucking sisters.

THERAPIST:  Puppies.

MEL:  Delicious.

THERAPIST:  Nazis.

MEL:  Tragically inefficient.

THERAPIST:  The Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Labor Day Telethon.

MEL:  I hope those fucking kids get cancer.  Maybe that’ll shut ‘em up for one fucking minute about their fucking wheelchairs.  And they can blow me.

THERAPIST:  Jewish people.

MEL:  (Maniacally pants for half an hour.)

THERAPIST:  Gay people.

MEL:  Actually, I’m in favor of gay marriage.  Kidding!  We should burn down their houses, then send the fucking f*gs to Canada – where they’d fucking thrive, like n*****s running in packs on their way to rape fake-tittied bitch-cunt-whore-gold digger lounge singers.

THERAPIST:  Okay, that about does it for today.

MEL:  Like you don’t want to be paid overtime.  I thought you people liked money.

THERAPIST:  Until next week Mr. Gibson.